There are obviously different views on what we should look for when searching for a life partner. However, at Present Partners we believe that exploring important topics early in a relationship will enable the ability to identify whether you’re on the right path or barking up the wrong tree!
Tara Springett in her book, Soulmate Relationships, writes:
“The following topics should all be clarified satisfactorily before you go any further with your possible partner, no matter how much you desire him/her and no matter how charming he/she is:
1. What are the professional and personal aims of your potential partner?
Try not to ask this question too directly because many people may not be able to answer it very clearly. Instead try to read between the lines and make some conclusions. However the compatibility of your aims and values in life is paramount, so you should try to find out as much as you can about these areas. If someone hasn’t got any aims in life, this is important information too.
2. What are the deepest values of your potential partner?
Again, don’t ask this question too directly, because some people may be very perplexed by it. Instead, learn to get your information in a more indirect way. Maybe your dating partner will tell you about a conflict they had and how they resolved it. Then you can ask, ‘Is it important to you to always make up with people?’ This will tell you something about how much they value peace and caring for others.
Another way to find out about the values of your partner is to listen carefully about what they say about previous relationships and why they didn’t work out. Generally speaking, the deep values of a person show more clearly in the way they behave than in what they say; it is therefore wise to look carefully at how much someone’s behavior is driven by positive values like love.
3. On what terms is your potential partner with their previous partners?
Take your time to find this out. If people feel strong hurts, resentment, regrets or guilt towards their previous partners, they are not ready for a new relationship. It is also very revealing to listen to the problems your potential partner had in their previous relationships, as they are likely to repeat the part they played in them. Generally speaking, changing is not easy for people, and we only change when we put a lot of determination and effort into doing so.
4. What kind of commitment is your potential partner aiming for?
When you are on a blind date you can ask at some point quite directly, ‘so tell me what kind of relationship are you aiming for in general?’ But if you have met a person in different circumstances, you will have to be more careful. Maybe he/she will tell you that he/she is divorced and then you could say teasingly, ‘And now you would never get married again?’ Listen carefully, because if you want to get married and he/she is a marriage phobic, you had better look for someone else.
5. Does your potential partner want children?
There are an awful lot of break ups of otherwise good relationships only because two partners failed to clarify this important topic in advance.”
Printed with the permission of Tara Springett, author of ‘Soulmate Relationships’.